Harry Potter drabbles and onshots
by funkyorange
Summary: Like the title suggests, this is a collection of oneshots and drabbles. I take suggestions, but check inside for details on what will be allowed. Slash, het, some no pairings.Updated rarely.
1. AN please read!

Okay, an introduction: these are a series of _oneshots._ This means they will _not_ be continued in this series, but they _may _be continued in a separate story.

I accept requests for oneshots, apart from:

Smut. I can't write it.

Pairings I don't like-check my profile for ones that I won't, can't, write.

Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus. I can write fem!Harry stories, but I try to develop their character and give them a normal background.

Please don't be rude when you ask, because I won't do it if you're rude.

Please don't flame. Constructive criticism only. Flames will be used to toast marshmallows and melt chocolate and light candles.

This story may only be updated every once in a while. It comes third: life, my current project (My immortal with commentary by a weirdo) and then its this. Please don't demand updates. This is simply somewhere to store my drabbles and oneshots.

**Please review and tell me what pairing and plot, within guidelines, you would like. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy it. **


	2. For ChristinaTears, Fredfem Harry

**This is for Christina-Tears, who asked for the pairing female Harry/Fred. I hope you enjoy it.**

Lucy Potter, the girl-who-lived and the-woman-who-won and now the-woman-who-has-to-tell-her-boyfriend-she's-pregnant, was waiting for said boyfriend, Fred Weasley, to come out of the fireplace. What would she say? Would he be happy? Upset? Nervous? As she worried about his reaction, she didn't notice Fred's arrival. She was shocked out of her reverie by strong arms wrapping around her. She smiled, and turned around in his embrace. "Fred, one day I'll hex you for doing that," she said, but her green eyes showed she wasn't cross. Before he could reply, she kissed him softly. "Good day at work?" She asked.

"George got turned into a pink weasel," he replied, sniggering. She laughed. "And he relied on Sophia to turn him back," Sophia was a seventh-year girl who had a weekend job at the shop and it was universally known that Sophia was the worst transfiguration student in the world, "so of course she botched it and somehow managed to turn him into a whale, how I have no idea, so when I came back George was lying in a paddling pool with Sophia throwing water over him!" She was in hysterics by the time he was done. Kissing him again, she wiggled out of his hold and came said, "Dinner's nearly done, so if you'd set the table...?"

"Sure," he said, grabbing cutlery and the like from different drawers around the kitchen. Lucy finished up by preparing the salad that they would be eating along with the bread and broccoli and stilton soup. Lucy wasn't really thinking about the cooking, but years of cooking for the Dursleys had made her able to juggle thinking and cooking at the same time. They made conversation while they ate: talking about whether Lucy would stay at Hogwarts as their Mediwitch, or if she would go to Saint Mungo's, about whether the twins would buy a shop in Hogsmeade or not, about Hermione's pregnancy, anything that they wanted really.

When they were done, they sat down on the sofa and Lucy said softly, "Before we do anything else, I need to tell you something."

"Good or bad?" Fred asked, blue eyes worried.

"I don't quite know how to say this but...I'm pregnant." Fred did the only thing he could do in that situation. He fainted.

Two months later, Lucy Lily Potter became Lucy Lily Weasley when they married.

Seven months after their wedding, Rebecca Katie Weasley was born, looking almost exactly like her mother. Hermione and Ron Weasley were named Godparents to the black haired, blue eyed girl. After Rebecca there was Josh Arthur and Connor James, red haired, green eyed twins, and then Claire Annabeth, who looked exactly like her mother, and Clarissa Janine, who looked almost exactly like her father.

They didn't live happily ever after, but it was close enough for them all.


	3. For me, cos I want to!

**Warnings: Slash, het, together-golden-trio**

It had been obvious to him.

The three had been close since their first year. Harry and Ron had been first, simply drawing to one another like moths to a flame. Hermione had taken her time, but she had always been around, either simply working, or telling them off for something, he wasn't quite sure what (but he had a feeling it was to do with that silly duel thing). They had been annoyed with her then, though.

After Halloween, the three had been inseparable. Harry and Ron had taken to sharing a bed when Ron had nightmares. Harry was strangely nightmare free. Now, when Hermione worked with them, or told them off for something (this was to do with the 'fictional' dragon, he knew it), they simply gave her fond looks.

During their second year, they had been just as close, sticking by Harry during the whole Parseltongue incident. And when Hermione had been petrified, the two looked like their worlds had folded around them, as though their dreams had crashed and burnt. He'd seen them simply give up: their grades had crashed to lowest of the class, heavy bags under their eyes, even Ron wasn't eating. They lost weight, quite a lot of it, and he woke in the night to see them sat by the window, both crying. The night that Hermione awoke, the three didn't come up to the dorms, and were found the next morning curled up on a sofa, arms around each other, the fire making the now dried tear-tracks on their cheeks sparkle.

In third year, Hermione seemed to blossom into an attractive young lady, and both the boys seemed to see it. She seemed, however, to prefer Harry, because that year there was a lot of fighting between her and Ron about her cat, but that didn't mean that her and Harry's friendship wasn't on the rocks too. They fought harshly about Harry's broom, a Firebolt, which might have come from Sirius Black. At the end of the year, their friendship was repaired, but it didn't seem quite the same. Something, he wasn't quite sure what, had changed.

Fourth year was when he began to notice it. Harry was in love with Ron. Ron was in love with Hermione. And Hermione was in love with Viktor Krum. They were not as close that year: Ron had a silly argument over Harry's 'glory-hound' ways, and Hermione and Ron fell out over Hermione's involvement in Viktor Krum. And again, their friendship seemed to have changed-Hermione and Ron where even more distant, argued more, while Harry was closer to both.

Fifth year, he thought, was one of the more tough years. Harry and Ron had been inching together, even though Harry's temper was worse than ever, even though Harry spent most of his time in detentions or with the D.A. Hermione was around as well, but she didn't seem to be changing with the times, just following the boys. And then, Ron and Harry kissed.

He'd witnessed it, even though they thought nobody was looking. They'd been arguing: he wasn't sure what about, but there had been shouting and screaming and from Ron's black eye and Harry's split lip, there had been physical fighting in there as well. When it had all gone quiet, he'd sneaked up to the dorm to check it out (and to _possibly_ grab his Herbology project...) when he'd seen Harry pushed up against the wall, Ron kissing him passionately (needless to say, he'd forgotten all about his Herbology project).

They hadn't come out to anyone except Hermione, and later in him, which made him feel pretty proud (he hadn't the heart to say he'd already known).

Hermione acted pleased, but there was a storm cloud beneath the happy facade that even Colin could see through. So just about everyone in Gryffindor tower cleared out when she started crying and yelling. The next morning had found the Golden Trio curled up on 'their' sofa together, Hermione over Harry and Ron's laps, Harry leaning on the taller boy. Most just gave the scene an 'aw' but he could see the dried tear tracks on all three's cheeks, and he knew Harry didn't let people in the 'just friends' category as near as that (Merlin knows Ginny had tried often enough). He had his suspicions, but he'd keep them to himself. No need to start up the Hogwarts rumour mill (even though, considering the three's friendship, it had been going long enough) and make life difficult for everyone. At the end of the year, the Department of Mysteries, Harry's worry for Hermione and Ron far, far outweighed his for them. And the way Harry touched Hermione's cheek showed that they were far more than friends. The tenderness and love in that one action made him nearly cry.

Sixth year for all three was difficult. Harry was grieving and both of his friends fell out, and Ron took to Lavender Brown, shoving his tongue down her throat at every opportunity, and he saw how Harry and Hermione cried. But soon Ron left Lavender, and the trio were as close as ever, perhaps closer.

He didn't know about the year that they missed: fighting Voldemort was a full-time job, and some things had to be kept secret. Ron had left them, apparently, that he did know, but he came back. They all did it together, and that was what mattered.

The final battle left everyone shaken. Death was inevitable, and they were lucky so many lived on, but there were too many losses anyway. _Any_ loss of life was too much. But he helped clear up, move the bodies, repair Hogwarts...so much to do.

All of the children were offered to repeat the year, to learn what they needed, having been either in hiding or not learning anything from the terrible teachers that the Carrows, or other Death Eaters, were. It was during this repeat year that the three officially 'came out' and announced their relationship to the world.

Molly Weasley was shocked, to say the least, Bill was accepting, Charlie couldn't care less, Percy disapproved but didn't say anything, Fred and George didn't really care, but Ginny made a huge fuss about it, ranting and raving until she had to be stunned by a slightly gleeful Hermione who simply said, "To keep her calm." Ron and Harry weren't fooled, and he knew they recalled the girl who had woven a skilful lie to make even Snape believe that she was at fault.

Now, Hermione was expecting a baby, both Harry and Ron's by both magic and blood. And he, Neville Longbottom, was married to the girl he'd always admired, Hannah Longbottom nee Abbott, with their baby girl Alice Frankie. All was well.


	4. Professor Potter, sir!

"Um, hi," Harry greeted his first class ever. The Hufflepuff/Slytherin first year class looked back at him. "Now, my name's Professor Potter, and I'm gonna be teaching you Defence Against the Dark Arts." After he called out the register, he began to speak. "Now, as you may have noticed, I've assigned you books called: _Practical and Safe Defence for First Years_ by Hermione Granger,yes, the headmistress. Professor Granger talks about what is safe for first years like you to practise and learn about, and _why_ it is safe. She does not cover the _nature_ of Magic itself, only briefly diving into that topic to classify as spell as 'harmful whenever used' and 'non-harmful in certain circumstances'. In the past, and some people still use this expression, it would have been classed 'light' or 'dark'. Do you know why this is false?" All heads shook. "Okay. A so called 'light' spell is, let's say, _Wingardium Leviosa. _Now, this lifts objects into the air, doesn't it? Observe." He swished and flicked, saying "_Wingardium Leviosa_" clearly so they could note the pronunciation...Maybe he should mention that... "Remember the pronunciation, it's very important," he said, floating the rag doll he'd prepared specially for this class in the air. "Now, this spell can be used to simply move something," he moved the doll over to a Slytherin's desk, "but it can also be used to harm." He floated the doll back over to him. "This is a real person and my desk is a cliff-top," he said, indicating the doll. He put it on the desk. He then used the spell to float the doll over the desk and suddenly dropped it. "You see? Would kill a person at worst, wouldn't it? At best, break bones or cause paralyse a person, and that's not the only one. There are many more. So, there's no 'dark' or 'light'. There isn't even 'grey'. There is simply intent. Any questions?"

"What about the Unforgivable Curses, sir?" Whispered one Hufflepuff, Serena Nobody, an ex-Greengrass, if he remembered right, disowned from her family for her house.

"Yes, those. Now, I don't really want to talk about them, but it's best to _know..._Imperious_,_ that one's pretty useful. If someone's about to kill themselves by throwing themselves over something, you can't stun them, can you? Can't summon them, can you? Sometimes, it's the only. Cruicatus is good for shocking people out of something. The Killing Curse is good for putting things, such as animals, pets, down. It's quick, it's painless."

"I heard," ventured Serena, "that you have to have such _hate_ to cast the Cruicatus and the Killing Curse."

"You do, but wouldn't that be a job for someone who has that hate?" He replied."This is truly interesting, Miss Serena, but we do have some reading to do, and then _maybe_ I'll let you try something out." The rest of the class passed as smoothly as it was possible to do, with the kids testing his limits. He hoped he'd got the right balance: not too strict, but not going to put up with crap.

After a few more classes of the same material, only third years, sixth years and seventh years, the day was finally over for Harry, who felt it couldn't go by quick enough.

"The kids loved you," beamed Hermione, passing him the gravy. "Honestly, in my class all they could talk about was your lesson. Did you really let them practise the disarming charm?"

"Saved my life," he shrugged, "and it's in your book, _Headmistress _Granger."

"Shut it, you," she growled playfully, smiling. Harry simply rolled his eyes. He was glad the kids liked him, though. He wasn't planning on going anywhere soon.

**Hi guys, it's the lovely funky! If you guys would please, **_**please**_** review and tell me what pairing or plot you want in a oneshot or drabble, please do so, because I only have one more idea from the lovely Christina-Tears! So thank you for reviewing, darlin', and your Harry/Luna oneshot is on its way!**

**funky xxxxx **


	5. For ChristinaTears, HarryLuna

**Warning: Harry/Luna**

Luna Lovegood's hair was beautiful.

Even the girls who teased the spacey blonde agreed to that. Her hair was waist length and a shocking white-blonde and un-brushed, making it tangle around just about everything.

Harry's favourite part of his girlfriend, apart from her personality, was her hair. When she was exhausted from the dance to the moon she did every full one, she would flop beside him in his red and gold bed, and snuggle up to him with a dreamy expression, and her hair would tangle round his arms and fingers.

Yes, Harry loved his beautiful girlfriend's tangled hair.

**For Christina-Tears,**

**I apologise if it's a little rubbish, but my brain took a day off today and I didn't have any other time, so...yeah. Please review and tell me what pairing (again, within my guidelines) you would like!**

**Love funky xxxxx**


	6. She Saw Lily

Lily heard Voldemort's footsteps up the stairs, as clearly as she'd heard James' shout, "Lily, it's him! Take Harry and run!" She tried to barricade the door, but knew in her heart of hearts that it would make no use, Voldemort would kill her and her baby. Looking at her child, her own eyes peering up at her in James' face, she whispered, "I'm sorry." Hugging him close, she ducked as Voldemort blew up the door and stepped into the room.

"Step aside, you foolish girl!"

"Not Harry, please not Harry!" She begged, knowing she sounded pathetic, knowing that she wanted to die standing, glaring into those red eyes of a snake, and she wanted to die proudly, like the Gryffindor she was, but her child was more important than her pride.

"Step aside!"

"Not Harry!" She pleaded.

"_Avada Kedavra_," breathed Voldemort. And as the green light that would end her life soared towards her, she saw.

_Petunia: smiling at her, snarling, sneering at her._

_Her wedding day: dressed in a simple white gown, James' smile, his black suit. His insistence that if she wanted a Muggle ceremony, she would have one. _

_Hogwarts: her first sight of the magnificent castle, trying not to smile at four boys' immature pranks, and the one she'd never admit to fancying asking her out, Alice, her best friend, Frank, Severus...So many memories..._

_Harry: his first word, his first step, the day he was born..._

_And she saw herself:_

_Lily, seven: riding her first bike._

_Lily, nine: her father's death._

_Lily, eleven: her first day at Hogwarts._

_Lily, fifteen: her first kiss._

_Lily, sixteen: the day her mother died._

_Lily, seventeen: finally agreeing to go on a date with James._

_Lily, twenty: her wedding day, smiles and flowers and the ache that showed when she noticed that her only living member of family left, Petunia, wasn't here. _

_Lily, twenty-one: Harry's birth. The pain, but the joy and the hope that seeing her baby brought to her in the dark days._

_Lily, twenty-two: about to die._

And she stood up to her destiny, and prayed that Harry would live.


	7. Dumbles is the Giant Squid says Idiot RW

**Okay, this one's slightly crackish. And Ron Bashing. Don't likey, don't readey. **

Ron Weasley is a genius.

He knows something that nobody else knows. Never mind that there is evidence against it, never mind that everyone just laughs when he brings it up, but he knows it.

Ron Weasley knows that Albus Dumbledore is the Giant Squid.

You see, the Giant Squid is wise: it helped him out when he was down in the lake (even though Harry did all of the work), seeing his genius was too precious to waste while Harry was floundering around being silly in the water.

Dumbledore is wise: he always does the right thing. Even sending Harry to his 'abusive' relatives was a _good_ thing. It would stamp out Harry's will, and make Ron the better guy.

The Giant Squid is good: It saves Gryffindors when they fall in the lake.

Dumbledore is good: He saved the world. It wasn't Harry.

The Giant Squid likes Gryffindors and hates Slytherins: It likes Fred and George and it hates Malfoy.

Dumbledore likes Gryffindors and hates Slytherins: He's very chummy with Harry.

Yes, Ron Weasley is a genius. And it's his great brain that makes him hungry. Even though he _does_ have food all over himself, he's still amazingly cool. And all the girls love him, even if they weren't falling over themselves to date him. They were just shy.


	8. AN

Hi guys,

just a quick thing to say, funkyorange is now on Facebook! If anyone wants to know mini titbits about me and when the next update is coming, be sure to find it!  
>funky xxxx<p> 


	9. Ghosts

_Hi guys!_

_I don't know how this one came out- it's not too confusing, is it? Please drop a review, just so I'm aware of it, okay? _

_funky xxxxx_

The downstairs tap drips.

She stares at the ceiling, pondering the neighbours- some are sad, some are tired, and some are so ridiculously selfish she feels they cannot possibly be real.

The dripping continues.

She doesn't know why she decided on this house- it wasn't the biggest, the classiest, not the best neighbourhood and it was far too expensive for what it was- but she liked it. It reminded her of her home, growing up.

The dripping stops.

She wonders why the tap chose now to stop, but she doesn't think on it.

She's going to have to call a plumber, but for now, she'll go down and check it.

She pulls on her dressing gown- blue and furry, a gift from her ex that she couldn't part with- over her pyjamas, slides slippers onto her feet and takes her empty glass downstairs. She might as well get a refill of water while she's there.

She's going down the stairs when she hears it- the small moan.

She knows the stories, of course she does- the Dursley family were well known after they murdered their fifteen year old nephew in this house. But she doesn't believe in ghosts- she believes in science, and the power of laughter, and aliens, but she has never believed in ghosts, not even as a child.

So why is she so scared?

The air is cold, she thinks, shivering. Her breath comes out in fogs of air- she smiles. Childhood memories of playing as a dragon come to mind.

As she walks past, the dripping comes strongly, now. She wonders if it is coming from the cupboard- leaky pipes, perhaps. She does not entertain other silly, childish ideas.

Her hand is shaking as the turns the doorknob, and pushes it open.

Air hits her face and her hair is blown back and a face, covered in blood, so much blood- thin hands reach for her, jagged nails cutting her skin-

Her heart stops.

_Drip, drip, drip._


End file.
